Tucker Carlson: They’re attempting to trick us with Soviet-style fakes

There are a lot of topics in the news these days. A lot of them are pretty depressing. This Friday we thought we were starting something pretty amusing.

As early as 2015, the so-called intelligence community of our government, which is neither intelligent nor a community, announced that it was going on a new five-year mission. The goal, according to the Obama administration, was to give every intelligence agency in the country more resources – the CIA, NSA, FBI, DIA and so on. Even the the coast guard The internal intelligence operation should have a larger budget.

Under normal circumstances, such an announcement would cause tremors of fear among our opponents around the world. They would tremble in their caves. The Chinese Perhaps you should think twice before bribing more Harvard professors or sending Eric Swalwell a new secret agent to have sex. But in this case they just laughed. Because they knew money couldn’t buy drones, more sophisticated surveillance equipment, or more local agents. Instead, it was earmarked for new platoons by Equity and Inclusion consultants and HR administrators.

The point of the money was to make the intelligence community “more diverse,” which means there are fewer whites and men. After all, America’s spies would look different. Which is indispensable when you … to … to … well, actually we don’t really know why it matters. What does the race and gender of intelligence workers have to do with America’s security? They never told us. Instead, they told us something we’d heard once or twice: “Diversity is our strength.”

PENTAGON says diversity training is essential to “defending the nation”

KAMALA HARRIS: Knowing our diversity is our strength and our unity is our strength.

PELOSI: And I tell you, our diversity is our strength.

OBAMA: Our diversity, our patchwork heritage is not a weakness. It is and will remain one of our greatest strengths.

BERNIE SANDERS: Our diversity is one of our greatest strengths.

BIDEN: I think this is an opportunity to see that there is a tremendous, tremendous force coming from our diversity.

How exactly does it work? Shut up. Just read the cliché. It’s on the menu.


Tremendous strength. We’re officially much stronger now. The Office of the Director of National Intelligence has just released the evidence: It’s called Annual Demographic Report for Fiscal Year 2020: Hiring and Retention of Minorities, Women, and Persons with Disabilities in the United States Intelligence Community. Get a copy in time for Christmas – not to read it. It is not intended for reading. In fact, it is unreadable. But for the pictures. The pictures are amazing. We now have conclusive photographic evidence that our spy agencies employ multiple people of different skin color. There is even a woman in a wheelchair and a seemingly blind man.

How do we know he’s blind? We do not make such assumptions. Because he has Ray Charles glasses, a walking stick and a guide dog. If this seems like a lot to you, remember: the best spies have a backup plan. We say Russian Assassins follow our blind secret service agent when he picks up a dead drop of microfilm in a park in East Berlin. You somehow manage to take out his guide dog. Maybe with a network.

That’s OK. He can manage. He still has the cane and glasses. And by the way, we assume that the cane shoots curare darts. In the CIA, they think of everything. It’s your job.


What exactly is the blind man’s job? What is he doing in our fabled intelligence community? How does he keep America safe? We don’t doubt it is, but how? Well, we don’t know because the report doesn’t tell us. Nor does it explain why there appears to be some kind of dark halo around the lower part of the blind man’s body in the picture? What’s this? Spy steam?

Another question: where are the old people in the picture? Lots of Americans are pretty old. The Intel community says it’s diverse. Where are the seniors? Where are the 80 year old super spies? They would hate to think that for all their fame, the Biden people fell victim to age discrimination. We may need a class action lawsuit to resolve this. And while we’re at it, we honestly haven’t seen many trans women, non-binary pansexual twofold spirits, or a single person from Malawi. The picture we greeted with joy looks problematic.

Indeed it is. According to freelance intelligence analysis, on Twitter – Digital manipulation experts – this picture is not real. These people were never in the same room at the same time. Some don’t even work for their federal government. Maybe none of them. The whole thing is a disinformation campaign. It’s a Soviet style fake. Apparently, the Intel community spent part of its “diversity budget” not to achieve diversity, but to buy a stock image from a website called “Shutterstock”.


This picture is titled, quote: “Portrait of a multicultural office worker standing in the lobby.” You can also buy it and put it on your next Christmas card if you want.

But apparently the archive photo of the multicultural office staff was not multicultural or diverse enough for the Biden people. So they added two more stock pictures to the picture.


One of these images – also available on Shutterstock – is literally called “Blind young man with guide dog on a white background”. What is what it is The other is creatively titled “Beautiful businesswoman with tablet computer in a wheelchair on a white background”.

Hm. So these aren’t real intelligence agents. They are archive photos. On one level, this is good news. The Secret Service hasn’t really revealed the identity of its most attractive wheelchair-bound spy or blind 007. So you are safe.

This article is extracted from Tucker Carlson’s opening comment on the March 26, 2021 issue of Tucker Carlson Tonight.