I e-mailed some friends and colleagues a tweet I saw comparing European and American out of office replies. The European response was: “I’m away camping for summer. Please e-mail back in September.” The American version: “I have left the office for two hours to undergo kidney surgery, but you can reach me on my cell anytime.” I thought this was funny, not descriptive, but based on the responses I got, it turned out to be instructive.

We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are. Therefore, financial planning cannot be meaningfully done by algorithm. Who you are is a cocktail of values you developed over time, messages you received growing up, your DNA, the relationships you have or desire.

While some people sent back the typical “Ha Ha” response to my e-mail, others took deeper dives. Where do you fit?

A colleague wondered, what if we wanted to have more of a European approach, but a client wanted us to respond while we were in the recovery unit? This question isn’t about business; it is about how we manage our anxiety in relationship to that of those with whom we are dealing. In most couples with whom we work, one person is more anxious than the other. Anxious-to-anxious responses lead to reacting rather than contemplating. This results inquick decisions that often hurt your financial and personal well-being. But calm-to-anxious doesn’t work. The anxious partner feels alone in their fears. The other partner needs to move toward the anxiety first to validate those feelings before coming up with ideas to manage (not remove) those feelings. Creating money agreements before chaos ensues helps. For example, if the market is falling, determine in advance to rebalance rather than sell.

A couple of other people wrote back saying that they would not want to have the European approach. That misses the point. Neither the European nor the U.S. response is more legitimate. Many of us move to the extremes in our planning because it feels more controllable. We want conviction, yet almost all financial decisions are more good than bad, rather than right or wrong.Money choices are experiments; information that disproves our thesis isn’t failure, it is useful information. Money is not like being on the operating table facing life or death. Don’t make money stakes greater than they are. If you disagree with anything I have written, please e-mail me in September when I am back from camping!

Spend your life wisely.

Ross Levin is the chief executive & founder of Accredited Investors Wealth Management in Edina. E-mail: Ross@accredited.com.

rn//Load jQuery library using plain JavaScriptrn(function(){rn var newscript = document.createElement(‘script’);rn newscript.type=”text/javascript”;rn newscript.async = true;rn newscript.src=”https://code.jquery.com/jquery-3.1.0.min.js”;rn (document.getElementsByTagName(‘head’)[0]||document.getElementsByTagName(‘body’)[0]).appendChild(newscript);rnvar newscript2 = document.createElement(‘script’);rn newscript2.type=”text/javascript”;rn newscript2.async = true;rn newscript2.src=”https://cdnjs.cloudflare.com/ajax/libs/js-cookie/2.1.3/js.cookie.min.js”;rn (document.getElementsByTagName(‘head’)[0]||document.getElementsByTagName(‘body’)[0]).appendChild(newscript2);rn})();rn/********TEST CODE for METER SNOW PLOW ANALYTiCS*******************/rnvar meter = {};rn$(document).ready(function(){rn // console.log(“this loads well”);rn $(‘.js-optimizely-click-goal’).click(function(){rn // console.log(this);rn meter[‘type’] = $(“input[name=”offer”]”).val();rn if(meter[‘type’] = 131){meter[‘type’] = “Premium Digital Access”;}rn else if(meter[‘type’] = 130){meter[‘type’] = “Sunday Print + Digital”;}rn else if(meter[‘type’] = 129){meter[‘type’] = “7-Day Print + Digital”;}rn else if(meter[‘type’] = 128){meter[‘type’] = “Sunday Print”;}rn meter[‘date’] = new Date().toLocaleString();rn // console.log(meter[‘type’]);rn // console.log(meter[‘date’]);rn var json_meter_cookie = JSON.stringify(meter);rn Cookies.set(‘meter_sign_up’, json_meter_cookie); rn rn });rn});rn/************************************************************************/rn // FACEBOOK TRACKING PIXEL #1rn !function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s)rn {if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function(){n.callMethod?rn n.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments)};rn if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version=’2.0′;rn n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0;rn t.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0];rn s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)}(window,document,’script’,rn ‘https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbevents.js’);rn fbq(‘init’, ‘590074241155998’); rn fbq(‘track’, ‘ViewContent’);rn rnrn{% endblock %}”},”start”:”https://users.startribune.com/placement/1/environment/3/limit-signup-optimizely/start”},{“id”:”limit-signup”,”count”:12,”action”:”ignore”,”mute”:true,”action_config”:{“template”:”{% extends “grid” %}rnrn{% block heading_text %}Youu2019ve read your 10 free articles for this 30 day period. Sign up now for local coverage you wonu2019t find anywhere else, special sections and your favorite columnists. StarTribune puts Minnesota and the world right at your fingertips. {% endblock %}rnrn{% block last %}rn{{ parent() }}rn{# limit Krux pixel from https://www.squishlist.com/strib/customshop/328/ #}rnrnrn{% endblock %}”},”start”:”https://users.startribune.com/placement/1/environment/3/limit-signup/start”},{“id”:”meter-desktop-331″,”count”:10,”action”:”ignore”,”mute”:false,”action_config”:false,”start”:”https://users.startribune.com/placement/1/environment/3/meter-desktop-331/start”},{“id”:”PDA991499opt”,”count”:9,”action”:”ignore”,”mute”:true,”action_config”:false,”start”:”https://users.startribune.com/placement/1/environment/3/PDA991499opt/start”},{“id”:”limit”,”count”:8,”action”:”inject”,”mute”:false,”action_config”:{“template”:”rn.o-overlay,rn.o-overlay * {rn display: block;rn box-sizing: border-box;rn}rnrn.o-overlay {rn position: fixed;rn top: 0;rn left: 0;rn width: 100%;rn height: 100%;rn font-size:14px;rn background: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8);rn z-index: 999999;rn opacity:1;rn transition:all .01s;rn}rn.o-overlay h1 {rn font-family:popular-bold, ‘Popular’;rn font-size:28px;rn}rnrn.o-modal {rn width: 100%;rn max-height: 100vh;rn overflow: auto;rn position: absolute;rn top: 50%;rn left: 0;rn -webkit-transform: translateY(-50%);rn transform: translateY(-50%);rn}rn.o-modal-middle {rn padding:5px 5px;rn position:relative;rn background:#F6E463;rn text-align:center;rn border-top:1px solid rgb(246, 228, 99);rn -webkit-box-shadow:0px 0px 0px rgba(0,0,0,0);rn box-shadow:0px 0px 0px rgba(0,0,0,0);rn}rn.o-modal-inner {rn background: #ffffff;rn margin: 0 auto;rn width: 100%;rn max-width: 600px;rn position: relative;rn}rnrn.o-button {rn display: inline-block;rn font: bold 18px/1 Whitney, sans-serif;rn margin: 0;rn padding: 0;rn border: none;rn text-decoration: none;rn color: #fff;rn background: #00824A;rn padding: 15px 20px;rn border-radius: 4px;rn border: 2px solid rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.1);rn -webkit-transition: all .1s;rn transition: all .1s;rn cursor: pointer;rn text-shadow: 0 1px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2);rn}rn.o-button:hover {rn text-decoration: none;rn color: #fff;rn border-color: transparent;rn background: #00824A;rn opacity:0.9;rn}rn.o-cta {rntfont:bold 38px/1 Whitney, sans-serif;rntcolor:#00824A;rntpadding:5px 0px;rntdisplay:block;rnttext-align:center;rntoverflow:hidden;rntcursor:defaultrn}rn.o-block {rn text-align: center;rn font-family:’Whitney’,sans-serif;rn}rn.o-block img {rn width: 150px;rn height: auto;rn display: block;rn margin: 0 auto 10px;rn}rn.o-block .text-left {rn text-align:left;rn}rn.o-block.pad {rn padding: 10px;rn}rn.o-block.pad-top {rn padding-top: 30px;rn}rn.o-block.pad-right {rn padding-right: 30px;rn}rn.o-block.pad-bottom {rn padding-bottom: 30px;rn}rn.o-block.pad-left {rn padding-left: 30px;rn}rn.o-block.shadow-out {rn box-shadow: 0 0 7px 0 rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);rn}rn.o-block.shadow-in {rn box-shadow: inset 0 0 7px 0 rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);rn}rnrn.o-small {rn color: #010101;rn font: italic normal 13px/1 Whitney, sans-serif;rn margin: 10px 0;rn}rn.o-small:first-child {rn margin-top: 0;rn}rn.o-small:last-child {rn margin-bottom: 0;rn}rn.o-small.left {rn text-align: left;rn}rnrn.o-small a {rn display: inline-block;rn color: inherit;rn text-decoration: underline;rn}rn.o-small a:hover {rn color: black;rn text-decoration: underline;rn}rnrn.o-bg-green {rn background:#86cff2;rn color:#ffffff;rn}rnrn.o-info {rn display:inline-block;rn position:absolute;rn bottom:20px;rn right:20px;rn overflow:visible;rn z-index:1;rn}rn.o-info:hover {rn padding-left:2em;rn padding-top:2em;rn}rn.o-info:hover div {rn display:block;rn}rn.o-info button {rn width:1.5em;rn height:1.5em;rn border-radius:100%;rn font-weight:bold;rn line-height:1.5em;rn padding:0;rn margin:0;rn border:0;rn text-align:center;rn font-size:1em;rn tbackground:#F6E463;rn}rn.o-info div {rn background:#F5F5F5;rn position:absolute;rn right:1.5em;rn bottom:1.5em;rn box-shadow:0 0 10px rgba(0,0,0,.5);rn padding:20px;rn font-size:12px;rn line-height:1.3;rn display:none;rn width:300px;rn border-radius:7px 7px 0 7pxrn}rn.o-info div a {rn text-decoration:underline;rn color:#005776;rn}rn }rnrnrnrnrnrn rn rn rn Premium Digital Access
starting at 99u00a2 rn trn SUBSCRIBErn Already a subscriber? Log in.rn rn All Star Tribune readers without a Digital Access subscription are given a limited number of complimentary articles every 30 days. Once the article limit is reached we ask readers to purchase a subscription including Digital Access to continue reading. Digital Access is included in all multi-day paper home delivery, Sunday + Digital, and Premium Digital Access subscriptions. After the 1 month Premium Digital Access introductory period you will be charged at a rate of $14.99 per month. You can see all subscription options or login to an existing subscription herern rn ?rn rn rn rn rnrn”},”start”:”https://users.startribune.com/placement/1/environment/3/limit/start”},{“id”:”nag”,”count”:7,”action”:”lightbox”,”mute”:true,”action_config”:{“height”:null,”width”:”630px”,”redirect_on_close”:null,”template”:”{% extends “shell” %}rnrn{% block substyles %}rnrn .nag {rn padding:0;rn }rn .nag-inner {rn padding:0 20px 50px;rn }rn .nag img {rn width:auto;rn margin:0 auto;rn }rn .nag h1 {rn margin-top:-20px;rn text-transform:uppercase;rn color:#61bf1a;rn text-align:center;rn font:normal 26px/1 ‘Popular bold’, serif;rn }rn .nag h2 {rn font:bold 28px/1 ‘Benton Sans’, sans-serif;rn font-style:italic;rn text-align:center;rn }rn .nag-status {rn text-align:left;rn background:#f5f5f5 url(“{{ static_url(‘img-icon-warning.png’) }}”) 12px 10px no-repeat;rn padding:12px 35px 10px;rn margin-bottom:65px;rn }rn .nag-status p {rn display:inline-block;rn margin-bottom:0;rn font:normal 14px/1 ‘Benton Sans’, sans-serif;rn font-style:italic;rn }rn .nag-status p:first-child {rn color:#ff8200;rn font-weight:bold;rn }rn .nag-status p:last-child {rn color:#ccc;rn float:right;rn }rn .nag-status .btn-link {rn color:#61bf1a;rn }rn .nag-divider {rn border-top:1px solid #e7e7e7;rn text-align:center;rn width:100%;rn max-width:500px;rn margin:40px auto 20px;rn }rn .nag-logo {rn display:inline-block;rn background:#fff;rn padding:10px;rn margin-top:-24px;rn }rn .nag-btn {rn display:block;rn font-size:24px;rn padding:20px;rn border-radius:5px;rn margin:20px auto 0;rn }rn .log-in {rn margin:-40px auto 30px;rn max-width:400px;rn }rnrn{% endblock %}rnrn{% block page %}rn{#rnrn{{ limit – count – 1 }}rnrn{{ form.flow_form_open({nextAction: ‘firstSlide’}, null, null, ‘_top’) }}rn {{ form.btn(‘Save Now’) }}rn{{ form.flow_form_close() }}rnrnrn {{ form.get_general_error_messages([‘authenticate’]) }}rn {{ form.flow_form_open({nextAction: ‘login’}, [‘authenticate’], ‘login-form’, ‘_top’) }}rn rn {{ form.login }}rn {{ form.flow_form_close() }}rnrnrnKeep reading rnu2022 Log inrnrnrnrn#}rnrn rn

99u00a2 for first 4 weeksrn {{ form.flow_form_open({nextAction: ‘firstSlide’}, null, null, ‘_top’) }}rn {{ form.button(‘Save Now’, ‘btn nag-btn’) }}rn {{ form.flow_form_close() }}rn rnrn{% endblock %}rnrn{% block last %}rn{{ parent() }}rnrn{% endblock %}”},”start”:”https://users.startribune.com/placement/1/environment/3/nag/start”},{“id”:”x”,”count”:4,”action”:”ignore”,”mute”:true,”action_config”:false,”start”:”https://users.startribune.com/placement/1/environment/3/x/start”},{“id”:”multi-start”,”count”:3,”action”:”fly_in”,”mute”:true,”action_config”:{“location”:”bottom_left”,”slide_direction”:”bottom”,”group_id”:null,”display_delay”:”0″,”collapse_delay”:”10″,”template”:”rn.fly-in-group,rn.fly-in-group *,rn.fly-in-group *:before,rn.fly-in-group *:after {rn box-sizing:border-box;rn -moz-box-sizing:border-box;rn -webkit-box-sizing:border-box;rn box-sizing:border-box;rn -webkit-text-size-adjust:none;rn margin:0;rn padding:0;rn}rn.fly-in-group {rn position:relative;rn width:300px;rn background:#484848;rn box-shadow:0 0 10px rgba(0,0,0,.3);rn}rn.fly-in-header {rn width:300px;rn height:70px;rn}rn.fly-in-collapse {rn background:#333333 url(“https://users.startribune.com/static/flow_group/14/slide/1531/1624710778/img-nag-savemoretoday.gif”) center center no-repeat;rn width:300px;rn height:70px;rn cursor:pointer;rn}rn.fly-in-close {rn position:absolute;rn top:0;rn right:0;rn height:20px;rn width:20px;rn display:block;rn color:#FFF;rn font-size:20px;rn line-height:1;rn text-decoration:none;rn cursor:pointer;rn text-align:center;rn}rn.fly-in-close:hover {rn color:#E0E0E0;rn}rn.fly-in-body {rn text-align:center;rn}rn.fly-in-body p {rn color:white;rn font:bold 14px/1 ‘Benton Sans’, sans-serif;rn text-transform:uppercase;rn margin:30px 0 7px 0;rn text-align:center;rn font-style:italic;rn}rn.fly-in-body h2 {rn color:#fff;rn font:bold 25px/1 ‘Benton Sans’, sans-serif;rn text-align:center;rn font-style:italic;rn}rn.fly-in-body h2 span {rn color: #A4A4A4;rn text-decoration:line-through;rn}rn.fly-in-start-btn {rn color:white;rn background:#61bf1a;rn font-family:”Benton Sans”,Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;rn font-weight:bold;rn line-height:1;rn text-decoration:none;rn text-transform:uppercase;rn border:none;rn -webkit-appearance:none;rn cursor:pointer;rn padding:15px 0 12px;rn display:block;rn margin:10px auto 30px;rn width:130px;rn border-radius:5px;rn font-size:16px;rn}rn.fly-in-footer {rn background:#333 url(“https://users.startribune.com/static/flow_group/14/slide/1533/2757847127/img-logo-st-sm-darkgrey.png”) center center no-repeat;rn height:35px;rn}rnrnrn rn rn u00d7rn rn rn

From justrn

$3.79 99u00a2 a weekrn Save nowrn rn rn”},”start”:”https://users.startribune.com/placement/1/environment/3/multi-start/start”}]};