Ask Model and Substance: Sharing your struggles with others | Opinion

Dear Style & Substance,

I’ve been healthy most of my life and was recently diagnosed with having trouble navigating. I’ve shared it with a few people and had such mixed reactions and disturbing reactions that I feel like I should have kept it to myself. Could you talk about disclosure and support in these difficult circumstances?

It sounds like the support you requested wasn’t there for you and we’re sorry. Having been in good health all your life, now with a diagnosis and possible health problems, life is uncharted territory. You learn to adapt while your support people absorb and respond to this unexpected change. We have developed a few strategies that can be considered, rearranged, or set aside to bring insights to the deliverers and receivers of sensitive messages that require a deeply compassionate response.

CHECK YOURSELF: So what about you? How are YOU doing with this health change? A diagnosis pushes us to look at our lives differently; our past, present and future. It brings forth lingering emotions like fear and guilt. It can be used as a positive nudge to make the changes we can in order to live as healthily as possible. It is most important to question yourself, to become aware of what you are feeling and why, what your expectations were and are now, and perhaps how the information was passed on or unintentionally twisted by the listener.

PAUSE: During monumental (or even minimal) life changes and challenges, we always recommend pausing to reflect, reflect, and gain clarity about what your mind and body are telling you. When you rush to talk to others, you don’t have the time to thoroughly understand a diagnosis, treatment plan, or next steps. The pause is also a time to assess the risk of disclosure and to consider allowing people into your sacred circle. As you reset upcoming conversations, focus on three “whens”: share when you’re ready, when you’re feeling good, and when sharing serves a purpose. As you lead with these intentions, arrange your words of disclosure and how you receive the thoughts of those around you.

“Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes has less to do with the gait or the shoes; it’s about thinking how you think, feeling what you feel, and understanding why you are who and where you are. Every step is about empathy.” ~ Toni Sorenson

TEST THE WATER: When you don’t know how you’re feeling, sharing the words with a trusted friend can be as simple as that; an opportunity to clarify the what and why with the knowledge that the information will be considered with confidence and care. This one conversation can be rich in clues and words about how to share your diagnosis with adult children, friends, and extended family.

PAY ATTENTION TO TIMING: Unfortunately, timing is an important consideration when sharing this information. When you switch a conversation to something serious in the middle of a busy time or during a pleasant activity, the listener isn’t always willing to listen carefully or respond. Ask for a quiet time to speak, or ask the listener to come back at a later time. Everyone feels that they honor the other.

PLEASE PRIVACY: Consider and request discretion and confidentiality. News travels fast, making anonymity rare.

WHAT TO SHARE & WHAT TO KEEP: You don’t have to share everything or explain yourself too much; especially when others give you unwarranted advice about a direction you should take. So often the people closest to us want to solve problems to help us feel better and bring order to the unknown. When people underreact or overreact, our nice selves should interpret that as trying and guessing how you’re feeling and what you might need. It is clarifying to say how high your level of concern or concern is at this moment.

GOING FORWARD: When you share a profound problem with someone, they need some information about the situation itself AND how you’re feeling about it. Giving people indicators gives them information about how and when to respond. Making a big deal or a small deal is something that needs to be validated.

“One day in the summer Frog wasn’t feeling well. Toad said, “Frog, you look pretty green.” “But I always look green,” said Frog. ‘I am a frog.’ “Today you look very green even for a frog,” said Toad.” ~Frog and toad are friends, Arnold Lobel

Your family and friends are used to the fact that you are a strong, vital and healthy person. This adjustment will take time, patience, vulnerability, and humor—with a dash of deep honesty—to fully live with what a diagnosis can mean for your future.

Sally Meisenheimer and Michele Armani are the owners of style &substance, which offers life coaching and creative solutions. Meisenheimer and Armani are certified life coaches with many years of experience in health education, human resources development and teaching. Together they have been married for more than 60 years and have raised seven children. Email questions and comments to

Ask Fashion and Substance: Discovering pleasure in tough occasions | Opinion

Dear style & substance,

Joy is everywhere during the holiday season. Ornaments, signs, greeting cards, wrapping paper – all with just the word JOY. I am fascinated by the idea of ​​joy. How do we find and keep them alive, especially in difficult times?

Winter holidays are the festival of gathering and light, but also time for holy rest and reflection. This time of year and the winter solstice can guide us as we explore light and darkness, joy and sorrow. Somewhere in between is the awareness and the lingering of the shadow. When winter begins we step into the lengthening of daylight and the lessening of darkness. Just as the increasing light is subtle, joy can also be a little delicate and elusive.

“The eye is always caught by light, but shadows

have more to say. “

~ Gregory Maguire

How we “see” joy and how we “experience” joy can be very different. When you envision your own interpretation of joy, you can experience it as an ubiquitous part of your life rather than fitting into a particular cultural representation. Finding your own is the key to making joy a living element in your life. Society calls out that joy resides in lively conversation, large family gatherings, busyness, and the holiday hype. Joy can also be found in silence, in quiet love, in deep conversations, in leisure and calm.

“Find out where joy resides and give it a voice that goes far beyond singing. To miss that

Joy is missing out on everything. ‘

~ Robert Louis Stevenson

On the way from elusive joy to fleeting joy, to surges of joy, to lasting joy, we invite you to look at the shadows or the edges of joy, something in between that naturally adds to your piece of happiness, silence, or consolation Peace can be.

Too much light or emotion can be extremely intense, too strong where the senses are overloaded and it is not sustainable. Similarly, too much darkness brings with it despair and a strong sense of regret that disconnects and isolates. Finding a middle ground in the shadows is an exploration of balance and contentment. Shadows add a sense of depth and texture to our life experience. They recognize the presence of light, filter and create a seductive, almost secret look or an interpretation. Shadows give the viewer a beauty, an experience that is not as extreme as bright light or deep darkness.

‘When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never fades.’

~ Buddha

Calm down, stop, explore, and find a middle ground. Be curious and accommodating about who you hang out with and what you do in this balance of emotion and commitment. Your intensity is yours, it doesn’t have to match or match of others. Inner understanding gives your handwriting authenticity and simplicity, joie de vivre – the elevation of the spirit. You are a light and pure version, not a mirror of someone else.

A cute granddaughter was asked if she saw ANY stars while we were staring at the winter moon this week. She replied with awe and said, “I see ALL the stars!” Optimism and hope are our wish for you; a new year of hopeful light and discerning darkness. Look for ALL stars.

Sally Meisenheimer and Michele Armani are the owners of style & Substance, which offer life coaching and creative solutions. Meisenheimer and Armani are certified life coaches with many years of experience in health education, personnel development and teaching. They have been married together for over 60 years and raised seven children. Questions and comments emailed to

Vince McMahon’s sincere opinion on Shayna Baszler’s in-ring type

In a recent interview with, Shayna Baszler said she effectively managed to combine her MMA background with professional wrestling. She said that too WWE Chairperson Vince McMahon seems to be a fan of her in-ring style.

At first, Shayna Baszler had doubts about her in-ring style, as The Queen of Spades couldn’t find a good balance between MMA fighter and professional wrestler.

However, in the course of time she “found the merger between the two”:

“My style in the ring – people think,” I don’t know, man, she left the side and did something there. ” Vince likes it a lot. There are times when he says, “It looked like you were just fighting. I thought, “Yeah …” For a while it was hard for me to find the balance between “Am I a fighter now or am I a professional wrestler?” Even in the ring. I think I really found the fusion between the two, it was good, ”said Baszler.

Shayna Baszler highlights the role of Nia Jax in her transition to the main WWE lineup

In the same interview, Shayna Baszler mentioned that she learned a lot from former WWE star Nia Jax at RAW.

The Queen of Spades stated that while Nia Jax is more experienced in one-on-one combat, she has had better main line-up experience in WWE.

“As experienced as I am in one-on-one combat, she was much more experienced on Raw and SmackDown. So she would really help me:” You should maybe try it instead, “” Baszler said.

During Nia Jax’s last run at WWE, she was on a tag team with Shayna Baszler. Together, the two won the WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships twice. Baszler is also a former two-time NXT Women’s Champion but has yet to win her first single title in the main squad.

Seth Rollins had more than one incident with a disordered fan. Don’t you believe us? More details here

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With cash to spare, Idaho ought to spend money on housing | Opinion

This editorial was published by the Post Register of Idaho Falls.

Idaho’s tax revenues continue to accumulate much faster than the state spends them. This is welcome news because it offers legislators many options: further tax breaks and funding programs that are still underfunded, such as the state’s public education system.

With all the money flowing around, it should be easy to fund a small but potentially very powerful program that has been dormant since its inception some 30 years ago.

As Kelcie Moseley-Morris of Idaho Capital Sun explained last month, Idaho is one of the few states in the country with a state trust fund for real estate, but no money. A housing trust fund is money that is matched against federal funds that can then be used by the state to run affordable housing programs. As reported by Moseley-Morris, the National Low Income Housing Coalition estimates that Idaho is short of around 22,200 affordable housing.

Idaho first established its trust fund in 1992. He has a board of directors. The only problem: the legislature has never appropriated a cent for it.

There has never been a more urgent time to put money in this account.

Some resort communities in eastern Idaho should serve as a full warning about how a lack of affordable housing can hamper business because of the unusual conditions there. When you talk to Stanley companies about their biggest challenges, housing is always at the top of their list for their employees. The same goes for communities around Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. It is commonplace to hear of workers in these areas who live in tents or trucks for long periods of time.

In resort communities, this problem is driven by a limited amount of building land and astronomically high property prices. But that second part of the problem is quickly becoming Idaho’s problem. As the demand for housing continues to outpace supply and more people move to Idaho, property prices rise and long-term residents are losing sight of the housing options they have relied on for their entire lives.

The long term solution is to build lots and lots of affordable homes and the trust fund could be an important part of that solution.

A one-time grant of $ 3 million would put the Idaho Real Estate Trust Fund on a solid footing, and it would be relatively easy to find a small source of income to keep it going in the future – many states use a portion of the mortgage fees for the trust. The money would be matched against federal funds, and this would allow Idaho to support low-income tenants by building cheaper housing units.

It would be a boon to businesses in need of workers and low-income workers in need of housing, and it would only require 0.2 percent of the surplus Idaho currently has on the books.

Opinion: Daniel Craig doesn’t plan to depart a lot cash to his youngsters when he dies

Now Daniel Craig’s children know how the rest of us feel when thinking about his legacy.


The James Bond actor, who allegedly raised $ 25 million for the reopening of the role, has told Candis magazine in his native UK that he has no plans to leave much of his fortune to his two children.

“My philosophy is to get rid of it or give it away before you go,” Craig told the magazine. He cited a saying that “when you die rich you have failed” and called it “disgusting” to leave huge sums of money to your heirs.

If you’re the kid of one of the highest paid actors in the world, it’s the financial equivalent of starting with Casino Royale, arguably the greatest Bond movie ever made, and then ending with Skyfall and Specter being your correspondent for the two worst holds.

Maybe his kids knew that all along. So maybe their high hopes were not disappointed.

Craig isn’t the only rich man who says he has no plans to leave his fortune to his children. Billionaires Warren Buffett and Bill Gates said the same thing. On the other hand, everything is relative. Most people would be lucky enough to leave, say, a few hundred thousand dollars for their children. What you leave after the first million or two is moot.

It has been wisely argued that you must leave your children enough money so that they can do anything is much better for them than leaving them enough money to do nothing.

Take the cash; simply don’t ask too many questions | Opinion

Forgive the self-described “old, burned-out” budget analyst in Idaho for his slight amazement at how easily lawmakers absorb billions of federal funds these days.

Last month, legislative leaders began to think about how to split the latest installment of the US bailout bill.

They were positively enthusiastic about the prospects.

Maybe it would go in the direction of expanded broadband connectivity.

Or it could be used to help seniors support community mental health, childcare, rent, or mortgage assistance.

Even helping communities – presumably including Lewiston – that invested their own money in upgraded drinking water and wastewater treatment plants before federal aid became available could be on the table.

With more than $ 5.6 billion from ARPA – including $ 2.6 billion provided by lawmakers – “we have a rare opportunity to fix things,” said House spokesman Scott Bedke, R -Oakley.

Asks the Budget Officer, “What happened to the Idaho Walk? Legislators hated pouring federal funds into the state. They’d howl like hell if we did not-kog (short for unrecognizable or unforeseen) federal money, usually just a few hundred thousand to make up for differences between state and federal fiscal years, for health and welfare programs, etc. Now we’re taking billions that are available for infrastructure projects – over several years, no less. “

That was certainly the case in 2009, when the Obama administration’s recently passed American Recovery and Reinvestment Act promised to save Idaho’s recession-ridden state budgets. At the time then-Gov. CL “Butch” Otter was more inclined to take the side of his Republican government colleagues. Mark Sanford from South Carolina and Bobby Jindal from Louisiana initially resisted the aid.

“What about the fine print?” asks the employee. “How many times have you heard Idaho lawmakers and governors talk about the terms of federal funding?”

Case in point: Medicaid extension that came with Obamacare. For the first three years of the program, the federal government has committed itself to assuming all costs of the program. But lawmakers reluctantly complained that the state would eventually be hooked for 10 percent of the budget. It was only after Idaho voters passed their own election initiative that Idaho expanded Medicaid coverage to include those who were too poor to afford private health insurance but not penniless enough to qualify for Medicaid.

The personalities involved, of course.

So the circumstances. As COVID-19 devastated the economy, states got used to bailout packages from Republican and Democratic governments.

For Republican lawmakers, infrastructure dollars are easier to digest – who doesn’t like a new freeway, a better bridge, or even a new sewage treatment plant? But there’s a lot of money going on other things like public education – $ 396 million, Medicaid programs – $ 78 million, or childcare – $ 70 million.

“No,” says the budget guy, “it’s the same old game. When you’re busy raising Uncle Sam’s money, no one is watching what you’re doing with your own. “

And what no one is watching is Idaho officials wasting their own money on tax coupons for the rich.

Earlier this year, Idaho took a staggering amount – about $ 389.2 million – and gave it to businesses and wealthy individuals for tax relief.

l Idaho schools continue to wither. The expenditures per student are at the last end and are about 40 percent below the national average.

l Teacher salaries in Idaho are lower than in 38 other states, including all neighboring states except Montana, according to the National Education Association.

l As Sami Edge of Idaho Education News noted this week, the state is about $ 160 million short of staffing its schools with counselors, psychologists, nurses and social workers.

l According to Rebecca Boone of The Associated Press, not enough people are willing to work in state prisons for what the state is willing to pay.

“This mirage won’t last forever,” says the experienced employee. “At some point the bill will be due. But with so much federal money coming in, it’s hard to ask questions. ”- MT

Opinion: Unfold the phrase – Maine has cash to assist with lease and utilities

The state of Maine has already helped more than 9,000 families stay in their homes and keep the lights on by putting $ 46 million in federal rent aid into the hands of Mainers who need it.

We allocated housing aid faster than any other state except five, according to the US Treasury Department.

But Maine still has more than $ 150 million in federal dollars in a bank account (more to come with the passage of the American Rescue Plan Act), and it’s just got easier for families who depend on that money.

Under the new MaineHousing entitlement standard introduced this week, assistance with paying rent and utilities is now available to anyone who has faced financial difficulties during the pandemic, not just those who can prove their plight is right through that caused COVID-19. The qualified can now take advantage of more help over a longer period of time.

Families with household incomes up to 80% of the local median are eligible – up to $ 71,950 per year for a family of three in Cumberland County.

People can apply to

These changes and this support are particularly important right now, as the The federal moratorium on eviction ends. Last week, the Biden government temporarily extended the moratorium, but only in counties with high COVID-19 case rates, a measure that fluctuates daily.

Maine has seen one before Increase in evictions how the state courts have reopened in recent months.

With the money there and the red tape cut, the biggest problem now is making sure Mainers know that help is available. If you or someone you know has had trouble paying rent or utility bills, visit To ask for help. Even if you were previously rejected, even if you thought you earned too much or did not meet the requirements, you can now be eligible.

The purpose of this funding is to minimize disruptions in people’s lives, especially children, and also to act as a stimulus – an economic boost for individual families and the economy as a whole in an uncertain time.

Let’s get the word out and make sure these resources are used where they can do the most good.

Photo: tom.arthur, Creative Commons via flickr

Opinion: Rich have each proper to spend their cash as they please

Reference “Billionaires in space are wasting money and resources”(July 20): Why condemn these space flights? Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson both financed their flights privately. Why does the letter writer have a problem? How they spend their money is up to them, no one else should tell anyone how to spend their money. Does the author seriously believe that these men are not giving generously to many organizations? The most important words are “their money”.

Carla Beijing
Point Loma

The letter writer sharply criticizes a billionaire’s life choice because it is inconsistent with his personal ideology, disparagingly describes the billionaire as self-centered, and fails to see the irony of his use of the word arrogance.

Most recently, I knew that people could spend their money whatever they wanted, including “self-centered” billionaires. No external approval required.

If there was only one way for the uninformed to check with you prior to a spending effort, Jeff Bezos might have done so.

Daniel DeRose

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Opinion: California’s ban on assault type weapons has labored. It is constitutional and customary sense.

Abrams is a board member of Team ENOUGH, Brady’s gun violence prevention initiative, and a 2021 graduate of Del Norte High School. He is a resident of 4S Ranch.

In April, President Joe Biden did described our country’s gun violence epidemic as “an international embarrassment” and promises to address this crisis.

President Biden was right and he was quick to act – but here in California, our elected officials have long led the nation to find sensible and comprehensive solutions that save lives despite ongoing attacks from the gun lobby and industry. Lawsuits such as those recently attempting to lift California’s decade-long bans on assault-style firearms or the one aimed at lifting our reasonable demand that ammunition purchases be subject to background screening threaten this advancement and public safety.

The disturbing decision by a federal judge last month to lift the offensive weapons ban, which the appeals court later suspended, shows how concerted and dangerous these efforts are. Simply put, this federal judge was wrong. The state’s ban on assault weapons has helped keep Californians safe for over 30 years. It’s constitutional and it’s common sense.

We cannot tolerate these attacks on our constitutional and popular laws – laws that have stood the test of time. The newest Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows that the firearm homicide rate in California is 30 percent below the national rate, while the firearm suicide rate in California is 45 percent below the US average. Overall, the rate for all fatalities from firearms is 37 Percent lower in California than the national rate.

It’s not just numbers – lives are saved and communities are spared persistent fear and violence.

That is not to say that our state is without arms. It is precisely for this reason that I am a youth gun violence prevention activist. I’ve seen gun violence in my community here in San Diego. I lost friends to gun violence.

We still have more work to do.

Earlier this month, Attorney General Rob Bonta Approved The latest California gun sales data shows that 2020 broke previous records for small arms sales, an increase of over 65 percent from 2019.

We also know that California, like the rest of the nation, is one top gun violence and homicides last year, which will continue into this year.

That should keep us busy. As Harvard University Professor David Hemenway in a nutshell said Reuters discussed the intersection of increased gun sales and gun violence in October: “It’s pretty clear that more guns mean more death.”

It is precisely for this reason that our elected representatives cannot cease to create strong, sensible, and comprehensive laws and guidelines to ensure our safety.

Earlier this year, Governor Gavin Newsom called for $ 200 million in dedicated funding for CalVIP in his California comeback plan, nearly quadrupling the existing grant program funding. CalVIP funds evidence-based community and hospital-based violence intervention programs that have been shown to help stop violence and heal communities to prevent trauma. It’s an investment in our communities that has only positive, downstream effects. This kind of courageous leadership is why officials in states like New York, as well as President Biden, have similarly called for investment in community violence intervention programs.

Similarly, our state legislature has passed state-of-the-art directives such as a requirement that newly introduced semi-automatic pistols contain microstamping technology, the first such requirement in the country, and a ban on the sale of ghost weapons. These laws are being investigated and emulated in other states as well as in our federal government. California is leading once again.

Our leaders cannot give up on these efforts, and fortunately they have not. Governor Newsom and Attorney General Bonta have remained steadfast in their defense of our state’s ban on offensive weapons, while advocating the policies and programs our state needs to further reduce gun violence and protect our communities.

I have no doubt that they will prevail in court in our state in defending the ban on offensive weapons. I also know that they will continue to put the interests and safety of Californians first as they work to establish even broader gun violence prevention guidelines. Young people in California lead the way, asking for and supporting life-saving bills. In San Diego, I look forward to our city’s leaders responding to these changes and addressing issues such as the proliferation of ghost weapons head on.

While President Biden is right that our gun violence epidemic is an international embarrassment, the country can rest assured that California is helping to correct this injustice, and we will not let up.

Ask Model and Substance: Discovering freedom amongst division | Opinion

Dear style & substance,

As June / Pride Month comes to an end and July 4th, Independence Day, is celebrated, my mind becomes centered on the idea of ​​freedom – what it means and what each of us can do with it. Our country, really our world, now seems very divided to me – do you have any ideas how we can express ourselves freely without imposing the freedom of others and deepening the rifts?

The United States is built on freedom; Life, freedom and the pursuit of happiness. In the beginning we asserted that these truths are self-evident, and the founders even went so far as to say that all human beings are created equal. Your question shows that we continue to wrestle individually and across generations with what freedom and acceptance look like. As Booker T. Washington said, “Wherever in a country the whole people feel that the happiness of all depends on the happiness of the weakest, there is freedom.”

Freedom can be defined as the human right to act, speak, think and express our thoughts; but true freedom cannot exist without thoughtful consequences of our actions and words. With freedom comes responsibility. How do we care for our true selves while respecting the rights and freedoms of others?

Oppression thrives when voices are silenced. One of the first things that are done to weaken and marginalize others is to take their voice away. From formal agreements with victims to censored press, shutting down a person’s ability to speak robs a person of freedom. Peaceful listening, no combative listening or harassed silence, let freedom flourish. When we sincerely care about another person’s experiences regardless of the differences, we begin a dialogue of deeper understanding. This can lead to a disagreement, but it is a disagreement and approach.

People who have been molested and abused are often offered money to keep quiet. Or victims are slandered and threatened so that they are afraid to speak up. The voice is the tool of freedom. The #MeToo movement created legislative changes that allow victims silenced by systemic abuse to speak. These brave people have all paved the way for others to be heard so that all can live lives of freedom and happiness in practice.

Personal exploration of this value of freedom is a start. When we look at our freest moments, what are they? Fresh air, human connection, love, exercise, and affirmation are most likely. Combine these experiences with the Golden Rule, a universal spiritual and cultural reference, put simply: treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. Why not offer what we value most to others, especially when we have more than enough? If we want to be heard, then we listen carefully to others, if we want to move, we give space for it, we say generously “good work” or “I’m proud of you”. When we are in the majority, you extend inclusion to someone who is in the minority. Look, listen, feel what is going on, and make a commitment to balance the situation.

When we view freedom as an infinite resource, we start with the idea of ​​abundance, not scarcity. There is enough – freedom for all improves everyone’s living conditions; it doesn’t diminish or diminish when we offer it to others.

With freedom, people are happier, more satisfied, more creative, more productive, more self-confident and perhaps more responsible.

So what are the necessities to ensure freedom? Courtesy, structure, and sacrifice are essential. A lack of rules does not mean more freedom, but more chaos. A sense of community means thinking outside of ourselves what would be best for everyone.

“Because being free does not just mean throwing off one’s chains, but living in such a way that the freedom of others is respected and promoted.” ~ Nelson Mandela

True freedom means making room for the beliefs of others, no matter how different they may be from our own.

Sally Meisenheimer and Michele Armani are the owners of style & substance, which offer life coaching and creative solutions. Meisenheimer and Armani are certified life coaches with many years of experience in health education, personnel development and teaching. Together they have been married for more than 60 years and raised seven children. Questions and comments emailed to