She Stated, He Stated: Dad and mom pushing prenups and speaking cash along with your honey will be relationship stressor

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My boyfriend and I recently got engaged. We never really talked about finance and kept almost everything money-related separate. We share the cost of living even when we eat out. After the engagement, he told me that his parents insisted that I sign a prenuptial agreement as they seem to have a lot of fortune and so did he, unknown to me. He insists that he trusts me enough to marry me without a prenup and that everything his parents do. I’m a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing. It’s not that I’m against signing, I’m just not sure what it means and how it will affect our relationship.


Prenup fear

Dear PA,

Lori and Jeff: There are actually three key themes in your question: how you should feel about getting married, your lack of communication about finances, and the blurred lines between your fiancé and his or her parents.

Lori: Marriages Are Increasingly Used in the US Millennials get married later in life after they have had time to amass some savings. In addition, many have divorced parents and are very conscious of the possibility of their marriage ending. Marriage advocates tend to separate the emotions of marriage from the business aspects of living together. They just see marriages as convenient. And yet I understand how being presented with one can sting. We want to believe that when we get married we will become a team of generosity and equality that will last forever. Marriage can emphasize “mine and yours” over “ours,” and when “yours” is significantly smaller, you may begin to hold grudges. If the marriage is going nowhere, changing your perspective can help. Instead of feeling it against you, remember that this man you love has what is rightfully his own.

Getting married can also be a great opportunity to find out how you deal with money as a couple. Before signing, make sure you have a common vision of finances over the long term. Take the time to sit together and explore:

• What feelings, fears and stories are associated with your handling of money?

• What are your current financial situations (savings, debts, spending patterns, goals)?

• What are your expectations of how each of you will contribute? What happens if a partner loses their job or falls ill? What if you decide to have children? Will either of you stay at home for a while and if so, how will this contribution be recognized financially?

• If you support your husband in his work, how will this be reflected in the event of a divorce?

• How are decisions about spending and saving made?

• What common goals would you like to plan (home, retirement, children, vacation, car)?

Jeff: One of the most significant dynamics we’ve found in our work with premarital couples is how their parents’ views and perspectives can affect the relationship. This is particularly clear when it comes to finance. Parents often throw in their opinions (both openly and passively-aggressive) and want what is best for their children. But when these preferences create conflict in the relationship, it is time to set stronger, healthier boundaries. The challenge is that it can feel like we are choosing between our parents and our partners, and our loyalty is often absolutely required. Your fiancé may feel trapped in this type of scenario of trying to please you, but also feeling pressure from his parents to grant her wishes.

With his situation in mind, there are some difficult questions you need to ask about your perception of his request. Do you feel like the two of you are on the same team, or does it feel like he’s on his parents’ side on issues related to money and financial planning? Do you feel like a priority and believe that he would be ready to challenge his parents to stand up for you and the relationship?

Jeff and Lori: Money is one of the top relationship killers and tends to get more deadly in silence. Now is the time to start thinking about what is getting in the way of talking about money and what each of you must do to have transparent conversations about how to proceed.

Lori and Jeff are married, licensed psychotherapists and couple-to-couple coaches at the Aspen Relationship Institute. Submit your relationship questions to and your query can be selected for a future column.

5 Methods Millennial Cash Honey Is Utilizing to Attain Early Retirement

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Catie T. who bears the name Millennial money honey on her various social media platforms plans to retire at 35. At 29, according to insider documents, she is only six years away from her goal. And about 30 years ahead of most other people their age.

Catie is part of the FIRE (financial independence / early retirement) community; It’s a movement that came from a 1992 book entitled “Your Money, Your Life” by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez.

Corresponding Investopedia, Millennials – who were kids when the book was published – are increasingly the generation embracing FIRE. It is characterized by aggressive savings and investment practices that allow participants to be unemployed before the traditional age of 65.

“I’ve just lived the average millennial life in LA, hanging out with my friends, doing my hair and trying to keep up with the latest fashion trends,” said Catie of her lifestyle before embarking on her FIRE trip.

But at 26, she was at a point in her career where she was making enough money to build decent savings and start thinking more seriously about her financial future.

“I was like, ‘When people are investing, I know I should be investing. I should look at this and find out,” she says. She started doing personal finance research and eventually learned about the FIRE ideology. “I came in headfirst,” she says.

It recently reached an impressive milestone which is known as “Coast FIRE. “Assuming $ 375,000 deposited in various accounts regular market trends, her savings will grow so much that she won’t have to invest another dollar to become financially independent at 65. In this way, it can “expire” into retirement without any problems.

While this is a great accomplishment and an important step in her journey, Catie plans to continue saving and investing at her current rates so she can meet her retirement goal – $ 1.5 million saved and invested – by 35 .

As she gets closer to her ultimate goal of retiring at 35, she shares her journey and the strategies she has implemented in hopes of inspiring others in financial independence as well. That’s how she got this far so quickly.

How she set her retirement goal

To find out how much she needed to save, “I estimated my yearly spending to be about $ 30,000 a year, and then I doubled it just to allow for a margin of safety,” she explains.

For example, suppose she needs $ 60,000 for each year of retirement, she has it 4% rule to determine their target amount for the annuity portfolio. An easy way to work out this number is to multiply your desired annual income by 25, which Catie did and gave her $ 1.5 million.

“It would only be $ 750,000 for me, but I’m just on the nervous and cautious side,” she said. Doubling their annual amount provides them with convenience and a safety net.

1. She tracked – and changed – her spending habits

Before making any major lifestyle changes, she tracked her expenses for a few months to get a better picture of her financial condition. “I didn’t even know where my money was going beforehand,” she explains.

After that, she was able to be more strategic with her decisions. It’s about figuring out those “little tweaks,” she says.

For example, Catie quickly found that she was spending more money on personal hygiene and aesthetic services than she wanted. Between an Equinox membership of $ 230 a month, an eyelash appointment for $ 30 every three weeks, and about $ 600 twice a year for hair treatments, she found she got about $ 1,000 every three months for them Purchases made.

So she got creative about how to minimize it. For starters, she let her hair grow back to its natural color instead of keeping a pale blonde hue that she had before. She quit Equinox, stopped having her eyelashes done, and gave up the fancy hair salon in favor of a local ad with a $ 15 cut.

2. She has increased her income

A graphic designer by profession, she has taken a strategic career move to grow her income quickly and save more money by default. Before FIRE, Catie worked for an advertising agency and Industry known for lower wages.

“I was able to steer my same skills toward a higher paying industry,” she says. Now she works as a graphic designer for a technology company. “I didn’t know how much more lucrative it was to be a designer in this field, even though the skills are exactly the same.”

It wasn’t much of a linchpin, there was no need to go back to school or invest in additional education, but “it was about being creative about how I could increase my income,” she says.

3. She invests her money in various investment accounts

While a big aspect of being successful at FIRE is cutting costs and saving aggressively, arguably the most important part is investing that money.

Due to inflation, for most people, the path to retirement involves at least some form of investment, be it through a 401 (k), 403 (b), IRA, or other selected account. The same goes for those who want to achieve FIRE.

Catie had saved about $ 30,000 prior to her FIRE trip, which she invested in a wealth front

Account. Now the majority of their income is invested between their employer-matched 401 (k), their Roth IRA, and their HSA (Health Savings Account).

Outside of these accounts, it invests almost exclusively in index funds. “I’m a total stock exchange fund at Schwab,” she says.

4. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, she moved back in with her parents

Although it was never originally part of her plan, she moved back to live with her parents due to the pandemic. Since she lives rent-free, she was able to drastically reduce her expenses in the past year.

“‘I’m very fortunate that my parents let me live rent-free to help me with my dream,” she says. This change has helped accelerate your invested income.

5. While saving a large portion of her income, she still enjoys life

Catie saves about 80% of her income, a common percentage for many who participate in FIRE. But for some, this high savings rate is one of the most unattractive qualities of the movement.

It is often assumed that putting so much aside must also mean depriving yourself of today’s joys.

But she doesn’t live like that. “I am extremely conscious of my expenses,” she explains. She still goes out to eat and drink with friends. She will spend money on travel – if the pandemic allows it. “I found out what makes me happy,” she says.

To do the things she loves, she cuts out other things, like expensive clothes or hair treatments. She doesn’t plan her daily expenses, but she knows her expenses and makes sure that she always has enough in her checking account to cover them.

She also makes sure that she uses some of her money to celebrate her victories and milestones. “It’s a long journey, it doesn’t happen overnight, it will take years and years,” she says. But she is determined to enjoy the ride as much as the destination.

More coverage for personal finances

Honey Springs to host lecture in 1863 | Arts-entertainment

On Friday, February 12th, at 2 pm, the live virtual lecture “Indian Territory, 1863: Strategy and Logistics in the Decisive Year” will take place on the battlefield of Honey Springs

In this one-hour lecture, Dr. Zac Cowsert will examine both Union and Confederate strategies, logistical hurdles and key engagements in the crucial year of the civil war in Indian territory.

A unique theater of civil war, the commanders of Indian territory commanded biracial and tri-racial armies, managed large refugee populations, and fought to keep food and supplies flowing hundreds of kilometers. These strategic factors shaped the military campaigns in 1863 that led to major clashes in First Cabin Creek, Honey Springs, Devil’s Backbone, and other countries. By the end of the year, the United States armed forces had secured control of much of Indian territory and the Arkansas River Valley.

Cowert’s talk explores how Confederate strategies failed and Union forces triumphed, and how Union victories changed the war in Indian territory and the Trans-Mississippi. At the end of the conversation there is time for discussions and questions.

Participants can enjoy this online presentation on the Honey Springs Battlefield Facebook page at

Originally from Oklahoma and Arkansas, Cowsert received his doctorate in American history of the 19th century from West Virginia University, where his dissertation examined the civil war in Indian territory. He received his Bachelor of Art degree in history and political science from Centenary College in Louisiana at Shreveport. His work has been published in The Chronicles of Oklahoma and North Louisiana History and Hallowed Ground, the magazine of the American Battlefield Trust. Cowsert is also an Associate Editor of Civil Discourse: A Civil War Era Blog.

For more information on this virtual presentation and the Honey Springs battlefield, please email us or alynn@okhistory.orgor call 918-473-5572.