Chris Donnelly, a member of the Sacred Heart Parish in Tonganoxie, recently retired as regional president of the Country Club Bank. He speaks to The Leaven about what conversations couples should have about money when looking at marriage. LEAVEN PHOTO BY KATHRYN WHITE
It rarely happens when they are just dating. But there are good reasons for couples to thoroughly discuss their approach to money before getting engaged. The Leaven spoke to retired banker Chris Donnelly, who brings in the added perspective of recently seeing his three children marry.
Q. There are many things that can cause arguments in a marriage, but one of the perennials is money. What is important to know about your own approach to money before getting married?
A. You need to know where you are financially. If you don’t know where you are, no one else can either. It is important to live within your means. You need to know how much money you have each month and prioritize your expenses, working on the most important articles first.
Items like groceries, rent or mortgage, health care, and utility bills are top priorities. When you’ve covered all of the priority expenses, you’ll save for the future. You never know what the future will bring, so you need to be prepared. Once you’ve done this, you can consider spending on things that aren’t important to life.
Question: What should a couple tell each other about their money habits and when should they start this discussion?
A. Every couple should make a money plan before getting married. Full disclosure of your finances is important in any relationship. Identify and share your income and expenses ahead of time so you can create an expense plan for the time after your marriage. You want to avoid financial surprises. Marriage is a full-time partnership. Partners should share everything, including financial goals and dreams. When both partners are heading in the same direction financially, it is easier to prepare for the future.
Question: What major financial discussions should couples have when dating? Should they talk about the lifestyle they would like to have, their priorities and goals, their commitment to their community and the charities they support?
A. You should discuss your total income, expenses, and current debt. It’s important to know things like the number of monthly loan payments and other expenses. Excessive debt or loan payments can strain the family budget. Many people want a good lifestyle without really knowing what can support their income. The couple must first know their income and expenses. You shouldn’t live beyond your means.
Question: Of course, a discussion about children while dating is warranted. What should this discussion include?
A. Children are important to be included in your budget. You need to think through the stages of your children’s lives. Things like day care, health insurance, clothing, and extra food are important elements that you need to include in your monthly budget. Think ahead to estimate and budget the additional costs for one or more children before having children. You can see what your financial situation will be like before you actually have your first, second or third child.
Also, be sure to add a future college or tech school savings plan. Helping your child with minor or no student loans can help advance their future family financial plans.
Question: What are the pros and cons of having separate checking accounts and dual income couples when they are married and continue to manage their finances separately? Is it something you recommend?
A. Everything in marriage is a partnership. The two become one. Separate accounts for handling can create the feeling of hiding something or an imbalance. If you plan ahead, you both know the full financial picture so there shouldn’t be any hidden plans or costs.
I recommend keeping a joint account to show where all the money is going each month. Husbands and wives do many things together. You should also participate in everyday family finances.
Question: How about debt? Would you recommend the original borrower to pay them off, or should it be a common financial goal?
A. If you get married, it’s “for better or for worse”. This means that you take your partner with all the good and bad he brings to the table. You should develop a financial plan in advance that includes how you will jointly make the loan payments. When the two of you manage all of the debts brought up on the table, there is no question where that debt fits into the financial picture. Guessing what your spouse is doing with their money can cause serious problems.
Question: What should young married couples know about taxes?
A. Every couple should know how to properly prepare their taxes each year as taxes are a required expense. Tax issues can raise serious family concerns. You should add taxes to your family budget just like you would add food or rent. Knowing how to properly file your tax returns can save you money too.
Question: How should couples discuss whose job is being prioritized or how to deal with pay differentials, etc.?
A. By sharing all aspects of each other’s income and expenses, and establishing a budget and goals for the future, the couple can set priorities, including job requirements. If neither partner is willing to make sacrifices, the financial plan is much more difficult to achieve.
Question: How can couples stay on the same page in terms of spending, saving, and achieving their financial goals even in a busy life?
A. Couples should discuss their financial plan and goals frequently. Life is a series of changes and curveballs. Ignoring financial discussions is a bad idea. When both partners know where they are financially, it is much easier to look into the future.
Chris Donnelly recently resigned from his position as Country Club Bank Regional President. Prior to that, he was President and CEO of the Bank of the Prairie in Olathe. He and his wife, Susan, are members of the Sacred Heart Parish in Tonganoxie, where he serves on the ward finance council and where he and Susan jointly led the ward capital’s campaign.