LOVE ABBY: I have a former high school classmate who I’ve gotten pretty close over the years. He was there for me when I was deepest, and I was there for him too. He lives several hours away, but we talked almost every day, in addition to social media.
I stopped hearing from him a few months ago and his social media profile went dark. I had a bad feeling so I googled him and was shocked to see he was arrested! Even though it wasn’t a violent crime, it was still terrible. He called me several times from prison and protested his innocence – always asking for money. Abby, I live from paycheck to paycheck. Even if I had extra money, I wouldn’t be comfortable giving it to him.
I feel hurt and used. Part of me says I have to end the friendship; the other part says he needs friends now and it is not my place to judge him. I refused to take his recent calls because I really don’t know what to do. Your thoughts are appreciated. – BLINDED IN PENNSYLVANIA
LOVE BLINDSIDE: This person hasn’t used you before. The next time he holds out his hand, answer the call. In doing this, you make it clear that you can offer moral support, but you cannot give him money because you are living from paycheck to paycheck. After that you are not allowed to hear from him anymore. But if he continues to ask, take a big step back and realize that that friendship has ended.
LOVE ABBY: My husband and I have been together for three years. He recently returned for a two-day trip to his home state, 1,000 miles away, to retrieve some items from his late mother’s estate. He’s been out of work for most of last year due to the pandemic so I’m a little at odds with something he said to me when I called to ask when he’ll be home. He said he found a job and decided to stay there and work for a few months in order to save enough money to pay off most of our debts.
He didn’t consult me before making that decision. He told me that he had worked out a COVID-safe shelter with his sister and aunt. The kind of work he’s going to do there, he could be doing here where our home is. I don’t want to discourage him, but I am amazed that he would take a job 1,000 miles away. What if something happened to me or our animals? When I told him I didn’t agree with his decision, he told me to be glad he was no longer unemployed. How should I handle it? – FAR AWAY IN MISSOURI
LOVE MORE: Your husband shouldn’t have taken a job 1,000 miles away without first talking to you. That is, what is done is done and you have to let this play. Nothing stands in the way of your visit. Fortunately, you and the animals are fine. If circumstances change, he can quit the job and come back at any time.
When the time comes, say hello to your debt-free husband. There will be plenty of time for both of you PERSONAL to figure out what made him such a disruptive decision if there were similar jobs in your own community.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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