Expensive Abby: Each time buddy calls from jail, he asks for cash

LOVE ABBY: I have a former high school classmate who I’ve gotten pretty close over the years. He was there for me when I was deepest, and I was there for him too. He lives several hours away, but we talked almost every day, in addition to social media.

I stopped hearing from him a few months ago and his social media profile went dark. I had a bad feeling so I googled him and was shocked to see he was arrested! Even though it wasn’t a violent crime, it was still terrible. He called me several times from prison and protested his innocence – always asking for money. Abby, I live from paycheck to paycheck. Even if I had extra money, I wouldn’t be comfortable giving it to him.

I feel hurt and used. Part of me says I have to end the friendship; the other part says he needs friends now and it is not my place to judge him. I refused to take his recent calls because I really don’t know what to do. Your thoughts are appreciated. – BLINDED IN PENNSYLVANIA

LOVE BLINDSIDE: This person hasn’t used you before. The next time he holds out his hand, answer the call. In doing this, you make it clear that you can offer moral support, but you cannot give him money because you are living from paycheck to paycheck. After that you are not allowed to hear from him anymore. But if he continues to ask, take a big step back and realize that that friendship has ended.

LOVE ABBY: My husband and I have been together for three years. He recently returned for a two-day trip to his home state, 1,000 miles away, to retrieve some items from his late mother’s estate. He’s been out of work for most of last year due to the pandemic so I’m a little at odds with something he said to me when I called to ask when he’ll be home. He said he found a job and decided to stay there and work for a few months in order to save enough money to pay off most of our debts.

He didn’t consult me ​​before making that decision. He told me that he had worked out a COVID-safe shelter with his sister and aunt. The kind of work he’s going to do there, he could be doing here where our home is. I don’t want to discourage him, but I am amazed that he would take a job 1,000 miles away. What if something happened to me or our animals? When I told him I didn’t agree with his decision, he told me to be glad he was no longer unemployed. How should I handle it? – FAR AWAY IN MISSOURI

LOVE MORE: Your husband shouldn’t have taken a job 1,000 miles away without first talking to you. That is, what is done is done and you have to let this play. Nothing stands in the way of your visit. Fortunately, you and the animals are fine. If circumstances change, he can quit the job and come back at any time.

When the time comes, say hello to your debt-free husband. There will be plenty of time for both of you PERSONAL to figure out what made him such a disruptive decision if there were similar jobs in your own community.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For what teenagers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and how to interact with their peers and parents, see What Every Teen Should Know. Submit your name and mailing address and a check or money order for $ 8 (US money) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

Expensive Abby: My boyfriend is dependent upon his ex for cash, meals, day by day dialog

LOVE ABBY: I’ve been with my friend “John” for a year and a half. After 20 years of marriage, he was divorced for two years when we got together. He told me that he and his ex “Jessica” were still good friends. I thought it was okay since they are raising their child together. I have children of my own and I understand.

I gave up and moved two hours to move in with John. Then I realized that he was always talking to her and texting her. Then I noticed that all of the food containers in the refrigerator were hers. I realized how much he depends on Jessica. John told me they got divorced because they split up.

As we discussed it further, John admitted he was still dependent on Jessica for everything from dinner to paying his bills to daily conversations. They are both in relationships and they continue to act that way. Your “child” is now 18 and has graduated from high school. Am I wrong if I am stuck in this relationship? John doesn’t seem to want or need me. – CAUSED IN MONTANA

DEAR CONFUSED: To say that John is overly dependent on Jessica would be an understatement, and Jessica seems to like it that way. You are not wrong if you prefer not to move forward in this relationship; You are intelligent. For you to move forward, Jessica would have to step aside – and it seems like neither she nor John are open to it.

LOVE ABBY: I’m a petite 53 year old woman who trains four to five times a week so I’m in very good shape. I often do manual work instead of hiring someone or using equipment. I see it as an opportunity for additional training. At some point I may have to take the easier route, but not yet.

When people see me doing things that are considered hard work, they assume I need help. For example, today I bought 30 blocks of cement to start building a wall. Several men asked if I needed help. I politely declined, as I always do, saying they were thoughtful but I don’t need any help. They replied, “No problem.”

A short time later it started to rain. A woman came by with an umbrella and offered to help, and I replied just as politely. She put down her umbrella and started lifting the blocks into my car anyway! I said, “No need. It was sweet to offer you this, but I get my morning workout. “She was offended and snapped,” Sorry to ‘impose’. I tried to help, ”and trudged off! This happens a lot.

I feel bad after these encounters. It seems like I am perceived as ungrateful, but if I need help, I will ask for it. How can I convey this better or do I just have to accept the help? – HARD TRIALS IN OHIO

LOVE TRIES: If multiple people are offended when you decline their offers of help, there may be something wrong with the way you convey your message. Sometimes it’s not what we say, but the words we choose or their tone of voice that can be off-putting. My advice is to discuss this with some of your friends and see how they react.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For a collection of Abby’s most memorable – and most requested – poems and essays, mail your name and mailing address and a check or money order for $ 8 (US money) to: Dear Abby – Keepers Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

Pricey Abby: Household cash issues could maintain daughter out of the school of her goals

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was accepted into a college of her choice in Pennsylvania that had a lot of scholarships. Our payout is roughly $ 6,000 if she gets a Stafford loan or works this summer to help with the $ 4,500 that the loan would be. My husband insists on community college she doesn’t want to go to. He constantly cites the fact that our house is under foreclosure and that he owes the IRS money for his business, which is why things cannot be.

I think our children should be able to do things when they are functional. I encouraged all of them during school to do their best and follow their dreams. My husband didn’t offer help with homework or anything else. All the compliments they received for extracurricular commitment and excellent grades, he would always say that it was me – and rightly so, but it was them too.

Our firstborn wanted to go to a certain college by the way, but his father convinced him to go to community college by promising that he would pay for it and get him a car. He never taught the poor kid to drive. I offered professional driving lessons, but my son refused.

Now my husband is using the same tactic on my daughter. Should I send her to pursue her dreams against his will? You cannot suppress it forever. – ENCOURAGE MOTHER IN NEW YORK

DEAR MOM: With the house in foreclosure and the money owed to the IRS, your husband is right to be concerned. Sometimes the best plans go wrong because of circumstances beyond our control, particularly the volatile business climate we have experienced.

Even so, I think you may be overdue to have an open conversation with your daughter about what she might need to do to complement the scholarships offered by the college of her choice. When she is ready to work through the summer and possibly beyond – and is considering taking out a student loan of her own – she should be given the opportunity to live her dream.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We used to be inseparable. He was my best friend.

We have rarely spent time together since our daughter was born nine years ago. Most of his free time he spends woodworking in the basement. I spend my time upstairs or outside. I don’t think he enjoys my company any more.

I told him this, and he says it wasn’t intentional, and he loves me now more than ever. But to me it feels like we’re growing apart and I’m very lonely. Because my daughter is the one I spend most of the time with, she is the one who suffers from my moods when I am sad and upset about him. What can we do to be friends again instead of just parents? – It is missing in OHIO

LOVE MISSING: Explain to your husband that you are lonely and need more from him than you have had since your daughter was born. Start by exploring childcare options, then plan some adult-only dates for the two of you. This works for a lot of other couples and can help both of you renew the excitement that was there when you were child free.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact love abby beneath www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.