Pricey Abby: Household cash issues could maintain daughter out of the school of her goals

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was accepted into a college of her choice in Pennsylvania that had a lot of scholarships. Our payout is roughly $ 6,000 if she gets a Stafford loan or works this summer to help with the $ 4,500 that the loan would be. My husband insists on community college she doesn’t want to go to. He constantly cites the fact that our house is under foreclosure and that he owes the IRS money for his business, which is why things cannot be.

I think our children should be able to do things when they are functional. I encouraged all of them during school to do their best and follow their dreams. My husband didn’t offer help with homework or anything else. All the compliments they received for extracurricular commitment and excellent grades, he would always say that it was me – and rightly so, but it was them too.

Our firstborn wanted to go to a certain college by the way, but his father convinced him to go to community college by promising that he would pay for it and get him a car. He never taught the poor kid to drive. I offered professional driving lessons, but my son refused.

Now my husband is using the same tactic on my daughter. Should I send her to pursue her dreams against his will? You cannot suppress it forever. – ENCOURAGE MOTHER IN NEW YORK

DEAR MOM: With the house in foreclosure and the money owed to the IRS, your husband is right to be concerned. Sometimes the best plans go wrong because of circumstances beyond our control, particularly the volatile business climate we have experienced.

Even so, I think you may be overdue to have an open conversation with your daughter about what she might need to do to complement the scholarships offered by the college of her choice. When she is ready to work through the summer and possibly beyond – and is considering taking out a student loan of her own – she should be given the opportunity to live her dream.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We used to be inseparable. He was my best friend.

We have rarely spent time together since our daughter was born nine years ago. Most of his free time he spends woodworking in the basement. I spend my time upstairs or outside. I don’t think he enjoys my company any more.

I told him this, and he says it wasn’t intentional, and he loves me now more than ever. But to me it feels like we’re growing apart and I’m very lonely. Because my daughter is the one I spend most of the time with, she is the one who suffers from my moods when I am sad and upset about him. What can we do to be friends again instead of just parents? – It is missing in OHIO

LOVE MISSING: Explain to your husband that you are lonely and need more from him than you have had since your daughter was born. Start by exploring childcare options, then plan some adult-only dates for the two of you. This works for a lot of other couples and can help both of you renew the excitement that was there when you were child free.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact love abby beneath www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.