Money

Expensive Annie: My spouse didn’t thoughts spending my cash, however now that she makes greater than me she has an issue sharing

I’ve been married for 20 years. When my wife and I got married, I was the sole breadwinner. I had a very good job and had a pretty comfortable life. My wife stayed home and raised our children. In 2008 technological advances made my work obsolete. I had to start over and reinvent myself in a different industry. We struggled financially for years; it was difficult and weighed on our marriage. Today I have a full time gig and I make decent money and a side business that is fine. My wife has a full-time job and a part-time job, and she makes almost double mine.

My problem is this. In all the years that I have been the sole breadwinner, my salary has been “our money”. Now that she makes the lion’s share, her salary is “her money”. She expects me to pay my expenses with my own salary. For example, I recently had an expensive car repair done. She bought me the money, but she wants me to pay her back. It doesn’t matter that my car was our only car for a long time and that she added half the kilometers and the wear and tear herself.

I just feel taken advantage of – as if she has forgotten the sacrifices I made all those years ago. It really makes me angry. I mentioned it to her before and she got better for a while, but now her attitude is back to what it was before I mentioned anything.

Annie, I’m not charging. I’ll pay my share. Only sometimes, when there is a major unexpected expense, do I need a little help. I don’t feel after everything I’ve done and gone through together that I should be embarrassed about asking for money. What should I do? – Husband of a forgetful wife

Dear HTAFW: Adjustments to settings require regular coordination. Gently remind her of your previous conversation and let her know that you noticed the problem reappeared. She was receptive to your feedback last time; it will probably be this time too. This is one of the most valuable goods a couple can share: a willingness to listen to each other and try to change accordingly.

And to distract answers from people who think a married couple should always pool their entire fortune: Yes, it can be difficult to merge lives without pooling their finances, but it is possible and more and more couples are choosing to do so. Some have found a good balance with a “you, me, us” approach – sharing a bank account for household expenses and utilities and things like car maintenance, while each has a separate bank account for discretionary expenses. You and your wife might consider trying this for more harmony.

Dear Annie: After reading the letter about office workers trying to address a coworker with body odor, I wanted to let people know what worked for me after struggling with embarrassing BO for decades. I shower daily, wash with lever soap, shave my armpits every day, and apply witch hazel on my armpits when they are dry. I also spin through four different deodorants (three of which are for men, even though I’m a woman). It took several years to do this every day before I no longer had a problem. – Stuck with him

Dear Stuck With It: Witch Hazel, which can lower the pH of the skin and make bacteria difficult to thrive, is a smart idea here, and it can be kept in a spray bottle for easy spraying, no cotton balls or pads needed.

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